obsidianblaq's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- a rambling email to ian i wrote this months ago. i think i'll share it cause i was wandering around my computer and found it. heh. here we go. hey ian! how come you never send me e-mails? or 'smails?' whatever. you email robin :D not that i've read anything you've e-mailed her. that'd be EVIL. and i'm not evil. for the most part at least. tho i find it kinda odd so many people like, and more than like robin and allison. in one sense it's kinda cool, but then you're like, oh get over it already. tim and his stalkerness. and you liking robin. and then alison. and undoubtably other people liking them too. they seem to be the topic of choice. points for them tho, they're good people. ahhhh that was so funny alison taking so long to answer her 'tim, gabe, or ian' question. with me and robin going oh come on. the answers easy. we decided you were special :D and you are. you're great. point for ian. but yea. whatever. iannnnnnnn..... it's no fun when friends won't talk to you. really. it's depressing. and it's not like i can do anything about it either. which is even more depressing. ahhhhh! it's a vicious circle, and i dunno what step to take to break out of it. not good. very not good. but hey! what can ya do. (nothing) so i'm going to sit here and type (slightly odd things) for you to read. loverly fun. i dunno what else. feeling kinda lost-ish. not quite sure what friends are at the moment. school work to do, people and things to deal with, mom insisting i be on 'happy pills'. how wonderful is that (not). i don't think i need them, it's just a thought process, a rut i'm in that i'm trying to break out of cause it's getting me nowhere and HE'S RIGHT and i DON'T WANT HIM TO BE, so i have to stop thinking, caring, wondering, but it's easier said than done, and seriously, like try and BREATHE. and you kinda know they're avoiding you because they care so much about you, and for some obscure reason they think it's the best thing, but it really REALLY doesn't feel like it when you know they're avoiding spending time and talking to you. you know it, or at least you hope it, but it's hard to believe. like really fucking hard. but breathe, keep breathing, don't do anything stupid you'll regret later on. no stupid shit. that only gets you into trouble. gasp ian...... i dunno. it shouldn't bother me, i don't want it to bother me, but *gasp* it does, like really, and i keep having these memories and conversations in my head, and the voices seriously are there..... and they're EVIL! evil evil evil evil. he's evil, no he's not, it's just me and my fucked-up-ness, but.... but... le sigh. i dunno. thanks for reading. 11:05 p.m. - 2004-08-09 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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