obsidianblaq's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- *smack* ok, i had some other thought milling in my head but i can't remember it so i think i have to update about this thought. oh, and there's an entry before this. i feel sooooo horrible. today was not a good day. i suppose you could say that i had an er... disagreement? with someone who means a lot to me. and i feel like an idiot now. cause it's over a guy. but i was soo torn. between her and this guy. i mean, i love her so much, she's been a very important person in my life for years. but today i'm told that she's going out with the one guy who manages to take all my head space. and of course, i know i mean nothing to him... but fuck does it ever hurt when you find out your best friend is going out with the guy who means the most to you. i mean, it makes no sense! she spent the entire night before hand bitching about him... and how he scares her and such. i was told that she spent several phone calls in tears because she didn't know what to say to me. she knew i would be upset. all in all, wasn't a good afternoon. after school we talked about it. i attempted to explain to her the way he is so intruiging and important to me though i know i mean nothing to him. she explained to me the whole way it came about in the first place. she said she didn't want to go out with him anymore. and that she felt like she deserved the people talking behind her back about her (in full hearing capability). i said she didn't deserve that for going out with the guy... but then she said she felt like it. because she broke my trust. because she knew how i felt. because we'd had the conversation days before about how he would probably be something that could come between us. and yet it happened anyways. she broke up with him. not entirely because of me. but i feel realllllly bad about it. she said something along the lines of "now you're sorry bow that you got what you wanted". which isn't true. i was sorry about the whole thing. but now theres this tension between us. i can feel it hovering there, and it scares me. i feel like an idiot. i really don't want to lose her friendship, it means way too much to me. she's the good constant in my life like no one else is. yea. i feel seriously bad. i don't want this to ruin everything. i love you... i really do.... you are your own rainbow, right? i am my own rainbow. we are rainbows. i don't know what else to say. 9:55 p.m. - 2004-05-26 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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